Feeling Alive
by Mistress Mari
Summary: When Lucy actually saw her future self die in her arms, it causes sleepless nights and numerous slitting on her wrists to actually keep her sanity in check. How will the others react to this? They can't protect Lucy from herself but they can help her. But that's the problem she doesn't want help.
1. Chapter 1

Feelings. You'd have to be demon to be not able to feel anything; pain, agony, loneliness, happiness and love. Of course for people to have a reason for these "feelings" something has to happen.

And sometimes it's not good. It can be traumatic.

* * *

 _A month. It has been a month since it happened. A month since her future self died right in her arms and she did nothing but just sit there, frozen as she was facing the back of her right hand in front of her future self, the pink guild mark showing proudly. She could hear buzzing around her as if someone was screaming, she briefly glanced up and saw Natsu Dragneel, her best friend, engaging future Rogue to a battle, she noticed he was talki- yelling at her_

 _"...out of here, Lucy! Get out of here now! I can handle this!" Natsu was now screaming at her, tears streaming down his face and he had a furious glint in his eyes similar to what happened during the fantasia incident._

 _Suddenly her eyes were becoming blurry and she scratched it quickly and looking at it if she had debris in her eyes, but it was only water._

 _'Tears?' Lucy Heartfilia, Celestial Mage, thought. Why didn't she notice? Was she too focused on Natsu to pay attention to anything else? It scared her._

 _Because she didn't feel anything._

* * *

She never told anyone about it. Never told anyone about her problem because she was scared that they were going to criticize her, and if she weren't going to be careful there was always a chance they were going to leave her, just like her mother, father, Michelle and her future self. She never wanted to be alone again, even if it meant to keep this secret to herself, and never tell anyone. Not even her best friend.

* * *

"Luce, we're going to go on a job." Natsu grinned as he saw her enter through the guild doors. He was sitting near the doors so that he was the one who got to greet her and the one who she saw first. Happy was sitting on the bar counter as he munched on a fish, though Gray was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, good morning to you too, Natsu." The mage replied tiredly. "What job are we going to go on?" She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

Natsu suddenly narrowed his eyes at her.

"There is a group of bandits that needed to be captured after wreaking havoc in a village near Crocus." Erza informed. "You okay, Lucy? You look tired, did you sleep well last night?" Erza was worried now, Lucy always looked her best. She always wore her favorite (and most revealing clothes) in the most inappropriate of moments but at least she looked well-kept then.

"Yeah yeah, just that I spent all night last night trying to finish my novel but I got so carried away I didn't think it was so late." 'Lies' Her inner voice whispered. She spent all night in the bathroom, slitting numerous cuts on her wrist and watching the blood drip down onto the cold, white tile.

"Why do you smell like that?" Natsu growled.

"Smell like what?" Lucy asked nervously. 'He couldn't have..'

"WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE BLOOD?! WHO HURT YOU?! I'LL HUNT THEM DOWN!" Natsu roared and slammed his down on the table, catching the attention of anyone who was present at the guild.

'Please don't look here, please don't, no, please, no no no no.' So many negative scenarios in her head. The guild finding out about her psychotic hobby and getting mad. Master Makarov kicking her out of the guild. Team Natsu looking at her with disgust visible in their eyes. The guild leaving her. Erza, Gray and Happy walking away from her. And the most heartbreaking of it was, Natsu turning his back on her, never to be in her life ever again. 'No! It hasn't happened yet and if you don't think about an acceptable excuse to tell everyone then you must as well tell them the truth.'

She snapped out of it and looked around her, everyone was awaiting her answer. Some looked at her in worried stares, angry glares at the thought of the person who could have possibly done this to her and helpless looks because they couldn't help her.

"I-I can e-explain.." Lucy was stuttering now. 'Think of something. Anything!'

"I don't understand. You smell blood on her Natsu? Lucy is this true? Is this why you look so tired? Who is this scoundrel and I shall seek retribution for what he did to you!" Erza had that look in her eye that if anyone were to speak even a word out of place she would cut down the distraction immediately.

"I-I am on m-my p-period." She was stuttering now. "That is most likely the reason why Natsu smells blood on me." She said with a little more confidence.

Erza stopped her muttering about "seeking retribution" and such and blushed a light pink.

"O-Oh I see. Hmm, Forgive me for my incompetence for not listening to you full explanation. As punishment, please punch me." Erza closed her eyes as if she was expecting it.

"No! It's okay, it was my fault that I didn't explain faster." Lucy sneaked a glance at Natsu. He looked like he was confused and uncertain. Then she looked at the guild and the tension in the room suddenly gone replaced by relieved sighs. It wasn't long before there was another brawl as Gray came in and accidentally Elfman hit his head on the door as he was going out, Natsu didn't think twice about joining and forgot everything about the commotion he caused.

Lucy smiled as everything went back to normal. Then she dropped her smile.

'I have to be careful around the Dragon Slayers.'

* * *

 **Hi. This is my first time writing a story so please be kind to me, though comments that may help improve this story are always welcome. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**The day after...**_

"..underwear, first aid kit, emergency communication lacrima. Hmm, what else?" Lucy wondered as she stood at the foot of the bed, looking around the room her gaze was focused on the vanity mirror where her make-up was placed. Her gaze fell onto a hand-sized bag at the corner of the vanity, she walked over to it and quickly placed her make-up inside the bag. Lipstick, mascara and most importantly her concealer.

"It's better to be safe than sorry I guess. I have to buy more concealer soon." She muttered to herself. She didn't notice her window opening and Natsu putting his foot through and onto her bed.

"Hey Luce! Are you done?" Natsu grinned. "Let's walk together to the station."

Lucy quickly put her make-up inside the bag. "Yeah, I'm just about done. You don't need to pick me up, you know? I can go to the station by myself." She stated as she put her make-up pouch in her carry on.

"Well, yeah I know you can. But I wanted to walk with you." Natsu said, still with a grin on his face but with a hint of a blush on his face.

'Could Natsu be blushing? He looks cute.' Lucy thought. She already accepted her feelings for the salmon haired boy. It was already embarrassing enough that she took Mira's advice when Natsu wanted to tell her something, only to be humiliated when he only wanted Virgo's help in digging. She even dressed herself and made an effort to make sure she looked cute in front of him.

"Well, okay. Let's go?" As she grabbed her bag and made her way out the door she was stopped when Natsu grabbed her by the wrist.

"Lucy, I want to talk to you about something." Natsu asked seriously. "And I want you to be completely honest with me."

"U-Um, okay? But if it is anything really personal I am not obligated to answer it." She already thought that he was going to ask her and she was already prepared to give another reason.

"At the guild, when you said you were on your period, I didn't get it. They said that when a girl is on her period it only lasts for 3 days, and the weird thing is weren't you on your period last week?" He asked with a confused look.

"Well, normally it would be 3 days, more or less. Though it's not exactly 3 days, Natsu. For others it usually lasts for 5-7 days, which is a week. Don't worry, It'll end soon." Lucy assured him as if he was the one on a period.

"Well, okay." Natsu said. And I honestly thought that was the end of that. "But why do you smell different?" or maybe not.

"Has anyone ever told you that smelling other people is rude?" Lucy said blankly.

"Hey! It's normal for me, I can't exactly stop smelling what's around me! It's like not breathing. Wait! it's exactly like that!" Natsu pouted as he realized what he just said.

"Well, at least keep your comments to yourself and as for your question it probably has something to do with my period almost ending." Lucy stated.

"Well, maybe. It's weird though, I always knew you were on your period so I always steer clear away from you during that time, but this kind of smell almost smells like it's an injury of some kind." Natsu contemplated.

"Well no point to think about it now, shouldn't we get going before Erza bursts in here and drags us to the train station?" Lucy wanted to change the subject already, it was already weird enough talking to Natsu about what her period should "smell" like. "Or are we going to talk about other girl things?"

"You're right! Erza's gonna kill us! Let's go!" Natsu jumped through the window again.

"What have I always told you to! Don't use the window when you're trying to enter or exit my house!" Lucy screamed as she poked her head through the window. Locking it and looking at her house one more time to make sure everything was in order before she locked her door and went outside to see Natsu waiting for her. "By the way, where's Happy?"

"Oh, Happy, Wendy and Carla went on another mission in Acalypha. I think it was something about saving a couple of kids who got lost in a cave or something?" Natsu said as he put his hands behind his head.

"Are you sure they're going to be alright? Are there any monsters in the cave?" Lucy asked worriedly.

"Nah, they'll be fine, there were no monsters in the request. It should be perfect for Wendy to find them with her dragon slayer nose." Natsu said.

"Well, if you're sure." Lucy was still unconvinced.

"Of course I am, Wendy's a Fairy Tail wizard, she'll be fine on her, besides Carla and Happy are there to help and keep her company." Okay, he got her there, but it still doesn't ease her worries, but she'll have to trust Wendy.

After 4 hours of train ride, Gray taunting Natsu, Natsu who was muttering how he would 'never ride trains or any other kind of moving platforms' ever again, and Erza not being able to take it knocked Natsu out after an hour and thirty minutes. Huh, that's a new record.

* * *

 _ **Sierra** (village near crocus)_

"Okay, here's what we're going to do. Natsu and I will go to the Mayor's office to go and find out more about our job and the bandits we're going to fight against. Lucy and Gray, the both of you will find an inn and reserve 2 rooms for us and find out more from the villagers point of view." Erza ordered.

"Wait! Why can't I go with Luce? And you go with Gray?" Natsu complained

"Because If I paired you up with Lucy you wouldn't be able to ask any of the villagers if you happen to see a restaurant near here and if, coincidentally, the bandits attacked now you wouldn't be able to hold yourself back and cause destruction." Erza replied.

'As if you don't contribute to the destruction yourself.' Lucy sweatdropped.

"Nothing will change my mind so you might as well agree to it." Erza said threateningly

"It's fine. We'll just see you guys later." Gray said as he started to walk away with Lucy following him.

"See you later Natsu, Erza." Lucy said as she waved. Natsu just pouted as he watched them walk away.

"Let's move Natsu. The faster we finish this, the faster you'll be with Lucy." Erza said with a hint of smile on her face.

"I never said I want to be with Lucy." Natsu said as he denied, thought the blush on his face wasn't helping his situation one bit.

* * *

"Yes, we'd like two rooms with 2 beds each please." Gray said as he spoke with the lady on the counter. Though it really looked like a one-sided conversation as the woman, not older than 25, eyed Gray with lustful eyes in his body covered with only his boxers.

"Yes, is there anything else you need? Or maybe want?" Lucy looked at the name tag. Hana, the name of the woman, leaned more into the counter as she tried to look sexy. Note the word 'try'. Lucy laughed inwardly as she thought of something.

"Gray, your clothes." Lucy said as she walked up to both of them, she just went to the comfort room to use the toilet and decided to stay back and watch the scene unfold.

"Ahh! When did that happen?!" Gray shouted as he looked frantically for his clothes. When he was far enough, Lucy stared at Hana and smiled, though it must have looked menacing as she winced.

"Please stop flirting with my boyfriend." Lucy said stoically.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Hana nervously said as she avoided Lucy's eyes.

"Please, I know a hoe when I see one. And I know what a hoe's thinking when she looks at a man who barely covered himself up." Lucy said. Someone up there must have felt sorry for the girl as that minute Gray turned up fully clothed.

"I finally found them, Lucy. Thanks for reminding me." Gray sighed thankfully.

"No problem, Gray. Anything for you." Lucy said as she winked at Gray. Gray, on the other hand, looked confused.

"Umm, okay?" Gray said as he looked at her questionably.

"Why don't you take the keys from the kind lady and let's go put our things in the room?" Lucy smiled sweetly.

"Uhh yeah. Can we please get our keys?" Gray asked as he turned to Hana.

"Um, of course. Here you are! Have a good day!" Hana practically shoved the keys in Grays hand and disappeared in the door with an 'Employees Only' sign.

"Wonder what happened to her." Gray said

"Don't know, she was really weird though." Lucy laughed.

"Yeah, she ran as if someone scary was chasing her." Gray laughed with her.

"Hahaha, someone might have." Lucy said as her laughter died down.

"What do you mean?" Gray was confused now.

"Nothing." Lucy sang as she through the halls trying to find their room numbers. 26 and 27 here they are.

As Lucy went to put her bag in room 26, Gray put his in room 27, both Erza and Natsu still had their bag, or in Erza's case pile of luggage, with them. Gray locked their room and came to see the girl's room.

"Hey, we forgot to bring their bags with us." Gray said as he sat down on the bed.

"Heh, you're right." Lucy said as she looked around. 'So that's why it looks spacious, Erza still hasn't put her luggage yet.' Lucy thought.

Everything was quiet between them for a minute or two as she looked in the bathroom and Gray just sitting there thinking of something. Gray contemplated whether he should ask her or not, but decided he should anyway.

"Lucy?" Gray started.

"Yeah?" Lucy asked as she stepped out of the bathroom and looking questioningly at Gray waiting for him to continue.

"You know we're a team right? No, we're not just a team. We're a family. We can tell each other everything and anything that bothers us, anything that we're confused about or anything that happened." Gray said as he looked at her in the eyes seriously.

"W-What?" Lucy was worried if Gray noticed but something clicked inside her. _'..anything that happened.'_ 'He must have meant Natsu's outburst yesterday'

"I'm fine, Gray. I really am. Natsu just didn't know and he must have thought bad about smelling the, uh, blood." Lucy blushed as she thought about her conversation with Natsu just hours ago.

"I know. I just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens we will always be there for you. I will always be there for you." Gray finished. He didn't know that he struck a nerve that almost brought Lucy to tears but she didn't want to have a mental breakdown in front of Gray. Preventing him from asking anymore questions she hugged him.

"I know." She didn't want him to see that her eyes were already watering and she was doing everything in her just for the tears to dry up before she looked at him in the eye.

"I know you will."

Though she didn't really believe herself.

* * *

 **I'm pretty sure I was having an emotional breakdown myself when writing this so, to anyone who spotted any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors please send me a message and I can have it edited right away. Thank you for your time in reading this. Oh, and the village name is something that was named after my pet cat.**

 **Please share with me your thoughts on who you think Lucy is going to end with, because I haven't made the ending but I'm starting to have ideas :)**


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